OK, so who has missed formula 1? Yes three weeks is a long old time, and F1 is like any wife or girlfriend – they may make a lot of noise and cost a bomb but inevitably after three weeks you will end up missing them.

To celebrate its return, Formula1fancast is here to bring you the finest chit-chat and hearsay to come from the paddock. With the Turkish Grand Prix on the horizon, who is in line for some Turkish Delight (sorry) and who is talking a load of Istan-bull sh(CUT! – profanity ed)

Bern your bridges

This week’s flip flop comes courtesy of none other than Mr Bernie Ecclestone.

Perhaps it is his age. Perhaps it is the fact he is a power hungry old goat who can’t bear the thought of not being in charge to witness the introduction of fake rain, lion’s in the pits, liquorice tyres or any other hair brain scheme designed to reduce the sport to a laughing stock.

Either way Bernie seems to be in denial and simply refuses to realise that it might be time to swap the pit-lane for walks in the park.

April 20^th 2011: “it is all rubbish” – Bernie Ecclestone of the potential consortium takeover bid from News Corp and its partners.

May 5^th 2011: “CVC can confirm that it has recently received an approach from the Exor News Corporation consortium.” An official statement from CVC Capital Partners, the owners of F1’s commercial rights.

What Schu talking about, Willis?

While he may be struggling to keep up with the sprightly Nico Rosberg on his Zimmer frame, Michael Schumacher easily tops the podium in the “state the painfully obvious” competition.

“I don’t doubt myself but am I still as good as I was in 2002? The answer must be probably no.” he said as a single tear fell down his cheek whilst looking wistfully through the window with Simply Red on in the background.

Like a dotty old aunt that must be humoured into thinking she can still dance for fear of breaking her spirit, Schumi continues to get big smiles and enthusiastic thumbs up as he walks by while Mercedes hatch a plan to take him to the pound and have him put down.

We have been assured that it won’t be painful.  Only joking, it is of course a coincidence that Darren from Hollyoaks lookalike Paul di Resta is being eyed up for next season…….

Update: In an attempt to appear young, Schumacher has started using terms like “mega” “cowabunga” and “gnarly” (ok, maybe the last two are made up) while wearing a leather jacket, beads and a skin tight yellow and silver chequered top (actually true, it’s hysterical)

“It is a mega success what we have been seeing” he said of the updates Mercedes have bought to Turkey. You’re fooling no one dear.

On the Virg of success

“Aerodynamically it’s a new direction for us and we’re hopeful that it will help us start to turn the corner” says head goon John Booth of their aerodynamic updates. Must……resist……obvious……joke….

PERHAPS YOU SHOULD FOCUS ON LEARNING HOW TO TURNING AN ACTUAL CORNER FIRST JOHN!

Ahh that feels better.

Caught in a Web

Someone give Mark Webber a hug. It can’t be nice when you have a team-mate with a jaw that can’t even cut diamonds yet is still more liked and quicker than you.

So it came as no surprise that Red Bull mechanics had to duck as toys hurtled from the 1,000 BHP pram in the corner.

“If the team doesn’t want me anymore, I will have to ask myself a question – hang up my helmet or change teams?” he grizzled last week.

Well someone must have had a quiet word with the old boy because he appears to have changed him from a gnarled Aussie to a jumping through hoops show pony.

“I came to Red Bull and we’ve done some great things together. So, there are still lot of big boxes together and hopefully we can do some great things.

“That is the good thing about it. We realise how many good things we have done together, and there is a good chance of doing some very good things together in the future.” He said.

He then proceeded to take a large gulp of Red Bull, rub his tummy with delight and wink at the camera.

Keep checking Formula1Fancast for the latest ahead of the Turkish Grand Prix which takes place on 6th, 7th and 8th May. Make sure you follow us on Twitter too.

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