Nail-biting battles, fist-waving blunders, and don’t-look-now title deciders. Just a few of the key ingredients of a staple F1 diet.

But while all of the above may merely describe the pinnacle of motorsport’s ferocious on-track battles, whatever has become of its array of colourful characters who weren’t afraid to turn the air blue when the helmet and gloves were off?

One can’t help feeling that F1 drivers of today are downright soft. Michael Schumacher may have seven world titles, a mansion full of trophies and a ruthless streak on track that Messrs Hill and Villeneuve can vouch for, but in the flesh he is a godsend to the media. He’s well-spoken, polite, and would never dream of uttering any Anglo-Saxon obscenities live on air. As a family man and role model, good on him. Nonetheless, the entire ‘nice guy’ act is intolerably dull.

So Kimi Raikkonen caused a stir for announcing: “I was having a sh*t” to a shocked Martin Brundle four years ago. But in comparison to the likes of the late, great James Hunt, the wayward Finn is a saint.

Hunt was loud, brash, vulgar and constantly drunk. It wasn’t uncommon for another driver to discover him passed out at the wheel of his F1 vehicle during testing sessions. The media despaired of him, yet the public loved him. He was the anarchist of F1 in the same era that punk rock was causing saintly ears to bleed. A roughly-sketched illustration of humanity as it should more often be – outspoken, zany and full of life.

The Senna/Prost battles of the late 80s and early 90s were made all the more intense by their off-track spats. Post-race media reaction became almost as exciting as the racing itself, with Prost venomously branding Senna as “a man without value” after the world-class Brazilian ran his rival straight off the road in 1990 to claim his second title. The two men loathed each other, fact. But they didn’t even attempt to brush it under the carpet when they partnered each other at Mclaren, and that alone made for unmissable viewing.

And what of Gilles Villeneuve and Didier Pironi at the start of the 80s? The fast Ferrari duo were given team orders from the pit wall at Imola 1982, with Pironi expected to hold second position behind his championship-challenging sidekick. Gilles obediently hit the brake pedal, concentrating all his energy on simply finishing the race. Pironi, however, wasn’t going to waste a perfect opportunity, and he subsequently shot past the sister Ferrari on the final lap. Enraged, Villeneuve publicly vowed never to exchange another word with the Frenchman for the rest of his life. He lived merely two weeks longer, fatally crashing at Spa while, ironically, pushing to outqualify Pironi.  

In this day and age, it seems that drivers simply aren’t permitted to speak their minds. Raikkonen and Montoya, Mclaren stablemates in 2005, didn’t like each other a bit: but the rivalry wasn’t anywhere near the scale of Senna and Prost’s. Alonso quickly tired of Hamilton in 2007, and heated words had evidently been exchanged, but it was terribly played down in the media.

What modern F1 needs is a really opinionated character to breathe some life into all these ‘nice’ people. He doesn’t have to be a downright chav whose every other word is an expletive, nor does he have to be the best driver on the grid. He just has to be full enough of himself to cause a stir among the sensible, media-trained fellows.

Who says it has to be a male driver? I’d simply love to see the looks on the drivers’ faced if faced with a rowdy, terrifying woman who was bigger than Webber and faster than Vettel. They’d crap themselves all the way back to the pits.

Join me and Victoria on Formula1FanCast.com’s Fantasy League Formula 1 2010. Our league is called Formula1Fancast.com and the league pin is 722. Try and beat us if you can, but be warned we’re good!

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